we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
