worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
