i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
