I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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