My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
