Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
