I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Randomize
