So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Last time i carry you out of a forest
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
