If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
