Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
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