Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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