Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
We talked him into tasing himself.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
