she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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