About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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