i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
