the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
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