i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
