I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
