see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
