Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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