All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
