I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
