what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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