I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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