i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
