Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize