Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
