hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Two words: nipple clamps
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