My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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