I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
