if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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