All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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