he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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