They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
