lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
