I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
