Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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