the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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