i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
