awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
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I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
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