Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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