It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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