but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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