Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
