god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
