OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
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