Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
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