hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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