I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
