I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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