Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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