You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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