my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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