i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
