someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Randomize
