we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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