DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
