Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
