Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
