I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Randomize
