You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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