Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
