i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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