I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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