hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
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