you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
