I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
