Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
