i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
