I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
