nut hugger
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
