I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
farters have to be the big spoon...
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
