you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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